What Rehteah knew

Girls in Canada experience violence every day, sometimes with dire consequences.

by Saman Ahsan

The news of Rehtaeh Parsons' alleged rape and eventual death has been called tragic, shameful and sickening. The truth is that Parsons' story is yet another example of violence against girls, an ongoing crisis we too often ignore. Sadly, for those of us working in the field of violence prevention, Rehtaeh’s story only reinforces a fact we have known for years: girls-next-door experience violence on a daily basis.

The teenage years of a girl like Rehtaeh should be about learning, growing and developing interests. Instead, growing up a girl in Canada is often overshadowed by dealing with sexual gestures, comments and a bombardment of pressures to look sexy and have sex. This pressure is so common that most of us, even girls, fail to realize it is violence.

A leading Canadian researcher, Dr  Helen Berman, has said that girls are socialized to expect violence — to the extent that even victims overlook harassment. This type of “everyday violence” begins at a shockingly young age, she wrote in one study.

A large scale student survey by Quebec’s provincial statistical institute found that an astonishing 43 percent of girls aged 16 who had dated a boy in the last year had been victims of dating violence. One-fifth of the girls in the study reported being physically abused by their boyfriends. Again, a 2010 study by a family violence research centre in New Brunswick found that a dating partner had physically or mentally abused nearly one out of every four girls studied.  

These statistics make it clear that harassment with sexual overtones is a daily reality for girls in Canada.

Nonetheless, Rehtaeh’s story leaves us with an agonizing question. How could these boys give themselves permission to rape? Society’s attitudes toward girls led them to believe it was socially acceptable not only to hurt this girl but to boast about the act on social media.

These attitudes underlie representations of women in mainstream media – often as sexual objects – that send boys the message it’s okay to make sexual jokes or to do far worse.

“Boys will be boys,” we often say about understated acts of sexual harassment. But when girls are being seriously hurt – physically, emotionally and psychologically – we can’t shrug off harassment as a matter of perception. In another alarming report, more than a quarter of high school girls who participated in an Ontario study by the Canadian Mental Health Institute said they had been pressured into a sexual act.

A story like Rehtaeh Parsons’ makes it painfully obvious that staying silent about behaviours that demean girls is destructive. Moreover, media aren’t alone in reinforcing gender stereotypes and inequality. Families, schools and workplace structures all have a role to play.

Rehtaeh’s suicide is a reminder that a lack of support for young girls can have devastating results. Research has shown that girls tend to feel shame and internalize negative thoughts. Canadian girls between the ages of 15 and 19 are more likely to be hospitalized for self-injury. And suicide rates among girls have increased over the past 30 years.

Social stigma from peers doubles the pain victims have to face. Rehtaeh’s mother says her daughter faced months of bullying after photos of her sexual assault circulated online. Furthermore, law enforcement investigations of cases like this too often appear to blame the victim for inviting sexual violence.

Many details of Rehtaeh’s case are still unknown but it’s clear that something went terribly wrong. Why did the community and the justice system fail to provide this girl and her family with enough support? Rehtaeh’s family needs answers and so do all Canadians. Our society needs to create safer spaces for girls, such as the programs Girls Action Foundation supports, in order to help prevent tragedies like this one.

Only by teaching boys what real strength means and how to respect the girls in their lives can we change the intergenerational cycle of violence. We need initiatives like the White Ribbon Campaign to prevent violence by showing boys how to respect girls and women.

This is also a call to action for the education and justice systems. It’s time to start taking girls seriously. From school boards to law enforcement and everyday interactions, we must ensure girls know they deserve respect, dignity and human rights.

© Copyright 2013 SGNews Contributor, All rights Reserved. Written For: StraightGoods.ca